Friends with Benefits

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Well! It’s been months since the wonderful night that shocked me and ended up breaking my heart. The night where every touch of her against my skin made me aware of my sensations, desires and feelings. That night, I fell madly in love with her smile, her touch, those scary little brown eyes, her soothing embrace, Her!

In the darkness of that night, I had found my light a-a light that was supposed to enlighten my soul but instead ended up burning my heart. Somewhere between trying to shield my heart along with my self-respect from my newly found best friend, I broke into a million pieces. All that was left of me was a mess of shattered emotions.

Every moment of that night, mends my heart a little, glueing its cracks together with hope. A hope that someday in her little brown eyes it won’t be just lust but also a reflection of her love for me. A hope that even her lips will curve into a smile every time they brush against mine.

But, thinking about those scary eyes makes me shudder, bringing me back to reality. And the reality is that no matter what, neither am I ever going be held by those arms again nor will her eyes ever reflect a love for me – a love that I have always longed for.

So, that is how a night with my friend with benefits took away both, my best friend as well as the benefits that came with her.

(P.S.: This is originally written by a fellow member, Isha! A huge shout out for her for letting me post this on my blog. You can follow her here.)

Peace! ~ αm

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Hide and Seek!

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Today we all have a bad habit of hiding our feelings from the people whom we are close to. This is where we start to mess things up. But this is not the only issue we all face. We hide our feelings from our close ones and yet expect them to understand us, without we telling them what is going on in our mind. I agree, but does it really work this way?

As a kid, we end up doing some things that are not to be done at that particular age, but somehow we end up doing it. Eventually, we have a bag of mixed feelings. On one hand, feeling an accomplishment that none other kid has achieved what you have. On the other, fear of not letting parents have any knowledge of our mischief. So in the fear of how our parents will react, we start hiding things from parents. To save ourselves from the scare of our parent’s reaction, we hide our joyous accomplishment. This is just one feeling, this is how and where things start to build and hiding of our emotions.

Then, as you grow, you hit puberty and start falling for that adorable girl in your class or the cute guy next door. We talk to them with butterflies in our stomach but never dare to express our feelings in the panic/hesitation of hearing a ‘No’ from that person.

Let’s jump a few years when we are reasonably adult, in our mid-20s, trying to gather all our stuff in a perfect manner in which we have secretly dreamed off. Also somehow things are working in proper synchronisation as we expected over the years but then again coming to camouflaging our feelings, the close friend for whom you had fallen for eventually and dreamt of having a life together, we do not express ourselves fearing to lose that beautiful friendship.

We don’t share the disagreement in front of our boss and be his pet to save the job and gain extra bonus at the end of the year. We start hiding our feelings to our siblings in making them happy enough while struggling with our own mess.

So, next time try to be expressive to the people you care the most for and even make them comfortable to express. Because everyone’s heart somewhere wants to sing along this music piece.

If you love me, don’t let go
If you love me, don’t let go

Hold
Hold on
Hold on to me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Unsteady by X Ambassadors

Peace! ~ αm

Lies!

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We all lie one way or other every single day. Either we lie to someone dear or we lie to someone in our professional life or we lie to ourselves, but there isn’t a single day where a normal human being won’t lie.

We all lie due to some or the other reason. Right from childhood, we started lying, for instance; when we failed to complete our homework, we lied that we forgot to bring our notebook. Even our parents lied to us while bribing us to complete a house chore or to complete our studies. (I’m not saying they bribed always with lies many times they completed those bribes too but still). When we grew up we started lying at home, college about our academics, friends, outings and what not. The frequency of lying surge as we grow older, to hide one truth we end up saying more and more lies.

Before you start banging your head trying to know what am I really trying to address in here, I will come to point but just before that I would like to ask you a question.

Are you biased when your lie is for protecting the main cause of your own and when others lie on similar grounds we end up being offended?

If your answer is yes, it is completely Okay to behave in this manner as we are human beings. We’re selfish and to some extent being selfish is perfectly fine. The place where we are living we only receive genuine care from our parents because we are their kid (this line was shared my a close friend of mine), except than that the person who has given you the actual feeling of a parent can only give you those genuine care without being selfish. But still, we all will keep on lying to our kids or to whom we treat them as our kid.

We all know, what goes around comes back around, so if we eventually lie all the time we can not expect the person will shower up with all the truth.

Ask yourself once should we really get disturbed by a lie which has been revealed later with the truth? Today, I have an answer for this. We should not be disturbed for our whole life because we are all human beings and we all lie to each other just to keep a trust with our closed ones and later reveal it just because we need to take off the burden of lying in the first place and this only happens with the people with whom we have that beautiful connection. Surely we all should get disturbed with lies but also accept them at the level at which we got disturbed with the fact as one day you’ll be on the same stage where you placed the opposite person.

This is a life friend, and it is only when we realise it’s completely natural and genuine that the person who lied to us did so for the benefit of both. As once said, saying a single lie said for a genuine purpose is better than saying thousands of truth. So, do lie but make sure you are able to freely express the truth for whom you care and they can really understand the situation in which you had lied.

We all end up lying just to hide our actual feelings, thinking the truth will be a disaster for them. But learn to accept the lies and forgive them and tell the truth which you have lied about at the correct time.

There is quote, Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with a Lie. I would like to rearrange them in more effective manner.

Hurt me with the Truth only when I am in a state of mind to accept it, as you are comforting me for my own good.

Peace! ~ αm